

That is not a sentence I thought I’d ever write, but I’m sure Ms. Bellucci plays Donna Quintano, a lactating prostitute. Wouldn’t you be if you had Monica Bellucci for a wet nurse?

The mother, sadly, took a bullet in the head, but her baby - it’s a boy, by the way - turned out to be pretty resilient.

AAfter a pause during which the person sitting next to me at the preview screening loudly beseeched Smith to help her, he did just that, dispatching a warehouse full of thugs and delivering a healthy infant. Owen doing, as he did in the incalculably superior “Children of Men,” his utmost to protect a baby. Which leaves me off the hook, since not only did I not profit from “Shoot ’Em Up,” but I also lost 93 minutes I will never see again. The person who profits, he advises, apropos of unraveling a nefarious conspiracy involving a United States senator, a firearms manufacturer, a lot of diapers and Paul Giamatti, is always the bad guy. (I interrupt this burst of patriotism to note that “Shoot ’Em Up” was filmed in Toronto.)įirst, let’s sample a bit more wisdom from the mouth of the movie’s hero, Smith, a righteous gunman played, with his usual charismatic glower, by Clive Owen.

“So what do you think of the Second Amendment now?” This is one of many thought-provoking questions asked, between barrages of gunfire, in the course of “Shoot ’Em Up.” I won’t answer the question here - I get enough angry e-mail, thanks - but I’m happy to affirm my general devotion to the whole Bill of Rights, in particular the First Amendment, which protects Michael Davis’s right to make this movie, New Line Cinema’s right to market it and, best of all, my right to tell you what a worthless piece of garbage it is.
